I disclaimerd and we ran

we returned safely, counted, named, prayed

The above mentioned honest feelings… when YHC began running (15 or so years ago) I weighed 300lbs…running started simply to maintain some weight loss…running fairly quickly became a strong thread in the fabric of my life…running became a stream of consciousness in my daily life…when will I run, how far, what pace, will it hurt, will any body part bother me, is it hot is it cold what to wear my shoes are old bandana or hat water? No water? Is the Garmin charged, did I write in my log I need to go to bed to get rest to run, I need to eat better to run etc etc etc….this madness turned into running races, training for races….300 or so in a 3-4 year period , all of my PR’s came in ’07 ’08 ’09 and then sometime after that runin became “fun”….a long period of just running and not obsessing with a few good races thrown in ….

….now I’m in a new “phase” of my runin life, an up and down period for 5-6 years …I hate the yo-yoing…it goes a little sumpin  like this…running good and comfortable, injury, try to push thru, make it worse, take time off, gain weight, start over, it’s hard , gets better, get hurt, start over, gain weight lose weight run good get hurt get tired so on and so on…sometimes you “take a break” to get perspective which turns out to be a major mistake, always….this cycle continues for years…it’s maddening sometimes, it’s saddening sometimes , it’s down right depressing sometimes….YHC is deep in one of those runin valleys right now, struggling to find the path back up the hillside…..

….why? Why put yourself thru this day after day, year after year…..because at some point in the last 15 years there was an experience, a high , an occurrence, a moment, a stretch of road that conjured up a feeling never experienced before that forevermore leaves you searching and longing to find it again despite all the uncomfortableness mentioned above…

…..for me personally, runin is a mental illness with only one effective medication  available…that medication is hard to find and harder to hold on to…the search goes on

peace