I *totally* remembered that today was Southern Belle’s like 70th birthday so I designed a workout just for him. Happy Birthday Belle. He rolled in at a blistering 13 mph in his ’95 Buick LeSabre with the right turn signal blinking for God knows how long. Reeking of cinnamon hard candy and menthol muscle rub, he folded up his walker and tightened the velcro on his SAS.

Everyone started their watches (Belle set his life alert) and off we mosey’d to the bottom of Fury after a quick warm up of SSHs, cut-da-grasses, and mountain climbers.

WORK

5 Bonnie Blairs (hard way) at stop sign/median – run to end of murder’s row and perform 50 merkins – run back to median for 5 BBs – run to last entrance of Merrywood and perform 50 big boi situps – back to median 5 BBs – run to Chic-fil-A and perform 50 box jumps. That’s one round. Decrease Bonnies by 1 and exercises by 10 after every round.

Prayer Requests – none mentioned

Announcements – FoF 5K on 6/12; 2C’s service will be for family only

NMM

Awesome work by all, especially our resident octogenarian. We took the liberty of putting together some last minute gift ideas for Southern Belle if you’re in a pinch:

New tennis balls for his walker
Werther’s original hard candies (not the sugar free – they interact with his diuretic and Metamucil regimen)
A Consumer Cellular subscription and/or one of those flip phones with the really big numbers
A jar of rubber bands because it seems like all old folks hoard rubber bands for some reason
Acorn Stairlift (if you’re ready to drop some big bucks)
A rambling happy birthday voicemail (for real though – who leaves voicemails anymore??)

Seriously, happy birthday Belle. You’re an F3 rock star and I hope I’m doing what you’re doing when I’m old af like you. I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEL…you know what, never mind.

Respectfully yours,

Inspector

#stillnotontwitter